I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
