Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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