she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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