and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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