lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
