THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
