at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
