you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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