haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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