pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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