when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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