Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
