3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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