Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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