when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
