hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
