goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
