so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
