so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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