So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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