is wine microwaveable?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
