Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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