i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
