I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
