So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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