I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
