I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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