do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
