i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
