if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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