My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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