No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
