you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
