I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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