i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
