I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
