i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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