mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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