we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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