I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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