Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
