Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
