Umm I'm too high to move.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
