Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
