Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
