im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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