But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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