Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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