I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
