About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
