Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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