spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
